Unsettling

Strange stuff happens sometimes.

Scary stuff. Unsettling stuff.

Ghosts. Creatures from folktales. Evil houses, Vampires.

Terrible stuff that only happens at Hallowe’en.

So they say.

The Haunted Picture Palace

They say the cinema is haunted

But maybe it’s just

That the silvered screen retains

An afterimage of fantasy, a glimmer of glamour

A shattering denouement with no audience

Dissipating undramatically into the cinema’s sleeping bones

Replaying strains of string-led refrains

Wilhelm screams repeating again and again

And repeating and repeating and then -

The awful pause before the shockingly final gunshot

Disjointed, fragmented remembrances

Celluloid daydreams that had a plot once

Now roam the empty rows without exposition

Flip the seats and throw popcorn

And they say there are certain seats

Reserved for dearly departed cinephiles

But maybe it’s just the unexpected and  inopportune thrust

Of an antediluvian spring

Or the uncomfortable feeling of being observed

But no one sits in those certain seats

Not for long, at least

Yes, they say the cinema is haunted

But maybe it’s just

A random breeze clinking the lobby chandeliers

Echoes of screen kisses in a never- ending show-and-tell showreel

The faint follow-spots of a hundred usherettes’ torches long since gone out

Or the dome-shouldered outline of

A myriad monsters lumbering from the screen

The magic of the movies made manifest.

Dead Letter Office

The Manager tutted, said:

‘Those things’ll kill you.’

But they always had a crafty fag

On the back stairs

The smoke detector hadn’t had a new battery

Since McGann was the Doctor

And the fire door was always,

Well, when is a door not a door?

The whole place went up like the

Houses of Parliament back in 1605

Didn’t

Now they only look out

When no one is looking up

Mostly, they sit at ephemeral desks

Playing haunted Battleships on green screens

While the ghost of the photocopier

Chatters and spits out the memories

Of splayed faces at long-forgotten

Christmas do’s

And the Manager tuts, forever on repeat:

‘Those things’ll kill you.’

Ginny Greenteeth

Mind your footing at the lakeshore

It’s almost as if it’s deliberately slippery

One flailing move and you’re

Just close enough to touch

Her hair, duckweed floating in the wet

Limp, innocent-looking, lurking

A silent flash of her wet pebble eyes

Stinking emerald arms of plaited rope rise

Mandolin teeth a bare grin to slice and dice

Fish hook claws open to snag and grab

And in the time it takes a trout

To nab a mayfly

You’re gone

This House

The windows are the eyes

Of this house’s soul

Ready to replay

Each shocking episode

To some unsuspecting guest

This house is an elephant

Of stone and plaster

Nothing is forgotten

The wrongs they did

Every woeful disaster

This gate traps fingers for fun

This frontage always throws shade

This door slams like a gunshot

This house knows how to hate

This house loves to inflict pain

Welcome, Welcome

I hope your journey was not

Too tiring

Of course

An old building like this

Settles and creaks

And the pipes rattle

And moan

Doors will often open

Of their own accord

Faulty hinges

Warped frames

We really ought

To get a new handyman

But since the old one

Hanged himself

Well

I’m sure you understand

And the Countess

Up on the fourth floor

She loves the plays

On Radio Four

That’s the mournful wind

You hear wailing away

Just sound effects

Played a little too loud

Hard of hearing you see

She’s been here for years

Such a long, long time

Your suitcases are

Already in your room

I know

Almost magical, isn’t it?

I’m sure you’ll want to freshen up

Aperitifs at eight

The Countess will be eagerly

Expecting you for dinner

Open Door

The kids are standing

On the ‘I Dare You!’ porch

With mouthfuls of plastic fangs

Daubed with pasty face paint

And bloody make-up

‘Trick or treat!’

They scream soprano

The door creaks like a

Radio Four sound effect

To reveal a pitch interior

From somewhere in there

A voice like oil, bubbling

Asked: ‘Which is scarier?

The open door to let you in

Or the open door

To let something out?’

The kids scream again

The Darwinian impulse

Is not necessarily

Survival of the fittest

But simply being faster

Than the slowest

Anyway

Most of them got away

Be My Horror Film

Be my underwater zombie

Drag me down deep and eat my brains

Be my amorphous alien blob

Engulf me, overwhelm me

Reduce me to a stain

Be my ravenous were-beast

Tear out my heart

Raw and beating

Be my midnight graveyard ghoul

Just make sure it’s my remains you’re eating

You can also find this in issue 13 of The Starbeck Orion.

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